yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
