shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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