i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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