i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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