I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
