coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
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