He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
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yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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