Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize