Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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