Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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