I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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