Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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