just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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