Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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