I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
