you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
