he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
