also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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