You're completely useless in the revolution.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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