If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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