If i come over, it means nothing
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
