He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
