Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
