May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
