If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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