fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
