The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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