Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
