We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
