you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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