Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
