i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize