too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
