Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You've changed since you got that strap on
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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