thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
