Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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