In the future we'll all be gay
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
