Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
