Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
