did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
