the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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