I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
