In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
