after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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