maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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