Where did you get a picture of my penis
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
