I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
