Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
