Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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