I puked a lego.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
