This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
