we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
