I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
