I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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