I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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