How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
