I wish i was in the wii world.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
