Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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