i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm at about main and main street
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
