I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
