Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
