when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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