I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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