They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
a search helicopter?!
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Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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