True but thats because hes a fetus.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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