Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
