So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
