a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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