the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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