there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
